'Do you really think it will work Wells'
'Rrrraaaeeegh'
'Well if your sure it won't burn my bottom, I would hate my delicate balance of ginger to bread ratio to be altered my over baking'
KABOOM (to the sound track http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-bGzJTRZfU)
went the rocket.
A huge ball of flames erupted from the underside of the large cylinder made of welded baked bean cans and chinese take away containers. The blast blew Wells straight across the garden and through the little ginger bread houses back door, singeing the end of his quite impressive goat beard (not unlike Sandy's). The rocket, shaped like a goat, was Wells' newest invention. He was going through a phase. It hurtled into the sky and catapulted Nube, who had agreed, for unknown reasons, to be a guinea pig and be tided, tightly, to the contraption.
To compensate for the unusually blustery day however, Wells had increased the volume of gun powder used in the initial take off.... Nube was shot straight into space, and everyone knows, in space no one can hear you scream. . . which was particularly lucky because Nube screamed like a baby reaching a pitch that could shatter stars. . . and so it did.
A nearby nebula was rearranged as one of its many stars exploded sending its inhabitants flying in all directions!
'Oi!! Watch where your catapulting!' Nube yelled in a outraged manner. All of space and he has to be hit by a flying jar of rice. BAM, and another one!
'Rice rice rice rice rice rice'
'I'm sorry I don't understand you'
'Rice rice rice...rice'
'Nope not a word, well I got rice but that was it. You know what forget talking, I'm going to have you as pets. I shall talk to you in a derogatory way all the time, and I shall only telling you loving thoughts and phrases, and see which one of you ends up tasting the nicest, how about that?'
'RICE!!!....RICE!!'
'Good that's settled then. Pull me in Wells, I have alien rice friends to introduce you to' Nube cried out to Wells, some 6 million km below him.
Wells had managed to send another rocket up to Nube attached to a long rope...a very long rope, in order to haul Nube back safety to Earth.
Oh what an adventure! I wonder what rice did taste better in the end?....
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
The Graze Escape
...3 years previously...
A 2 foot Domino's pizza delivery hamster was wandering the streets of Nigeria thinking how joyous and ironic life could be, when he was brutally kicked to the ground by none other than some of the russian mafia marshmellows. At that precise moment a bullet shot from a random hitmans gun skimmed Domino's (the domino pizza delivery hamster) head. Had it not been for the brutal hit, that bullet would have plummeted deep into the hamster face. It was an ironic moment indeed seeing as the marshmellow had kicked Domino with the intention of mugging him. However, the marshmellow didn't like the idea of getting mixed up in a professional murder no matter how 'gangsta' he liked to think he was.
'I'm outta here' he splodged and ran off, thinking to himself that it might be high time to get on the straight and narrow.
Meanwhile a shaken Domino stumbled to the nearest shelter.
BANG
there was another gun shot and the hitman was slain by none other than Nigeria's transient superhero and cat rescuer 'Super Goat'!!!!
'There young hamster, I have slain your foe, you are free of all trouble and may go about your daily business without fear! Super Goat is here!'
'Oh, super goat, how can I ever repay you??!!'
'Well now, there is actually one thing you could do...'
'anything, anything...'
.........
fast forward 3 years....
Wells was alone in his bare grey cells, bouncing a ball against the wall, contemplating on past events and his glory days as the transient Nigerian superhero and cat rescuer Super Goat. Oh those were the days. Although nothing beat those adventurous days with Nube. Well hold on just a second!!! What was that favour I got that hamster to do? Ah yes thats it, the jail keys!!!
Everyone knows that if you are a superhero, at some point you will be hunted, hated and imprisoned for unknown reasons, usually at times when the media has nothing better to do than try and create enemies out of the good guys. everyone also knows that hamsters are wizards when it comes to back alley surgeries!
Wells, looked at the funny pocket of skin on his back left foot pad. I'd almost forgotten how I had developed that lump, Wells thought. He leaned round and pulled out a full set of jail keys with his teeth, ahhh his old contingency plan, time to escape! And so he did, and only needing to break 6 legs, crush 3 skulls and seriously bruise 5 testicles, Score!
Just as Wells was making his way across the main front lawn to the final set of prison gates and the final guard post he spotted Nube in a balaclava and a haribo machine gun. Nube was over the moon to see Wells.
'I was just about to rescue you, but I see you have done well by yourself Wells!'
And so the 2 departed from the Nigeria happily and rather abruptly back to the small fields of LabLand.
That Ladies and Gentlemen was how Wells avoided 12 hideous years in prison
A 2 foot Domino's pizza delivery hamster was wandering the streets of Nigeria thinking how joyous and ironic life could be, when he was brutally kicked to the ground by none other than some of the russian mafia marshmellows. At that precise moment a bullet shot from a random hitmans gun skimmed Domino's (the domino pizza delivery hamster) head. Had it not been for the brutal hit, that bullet would have plummeted deep into the hamster face. It was an ironic moment indeed seeing as the marshmellow had kicked Domino with the intention of mugging him. However, the marshmellow didn't like the idea of getting mixed up in a professional murder no matter how 'gangsta' he liked to think he was.
'I'm outta here' he splodged and ran off, thinking to himself that it might be high time to get on the straight and narrow.
Meanwhile a shaken Domino stumbled to the nearest shelter.
BANG
there was another gun shot and the hitman was slain by none other than Nigeria's transient superhero and cat rescuer 'Super Goat'!!!!
'There young hamster, I have slain your foe, you are free of all trouble and may go about your daily business without fear! Super Goat is here!'
'Oh, super goat, how can I ever repay you??!!'
'Well now, there is actually one thing you could do...'
'anything, anything...'
.........
fast forward 3 years....
Wells was alone in his bare grey cells, bouncing a ball against the wall, contemplating on past events and his glory days as the transient Nigerian superhero and cat rescuer Super Goat. Oh those were the days. Although nothing beat those adventurous days with Nube. Well hold on just a second!!! What was that favour I got that hamster to do? Ah yes thats it, the jail keys!!!
Everyone knows that if you are a superhero, at some point you will be hunted, hated and imprisoned for unknown reasons, usually at times when the media has nothing better to do than try and create enemies out of the good guys. everyone also knows that hamsters are wizards when it comes to back alley surgeries!
Wells, looked at the funny pocket of skin on his back left foot pad. I'd almost forgotten how I had developed that lump, Wells thought. He leaned round and pulled out a full set of jail keys with his teeth, ahhh his old contingency plan, time to escape! And so he did, and only needing to break 6 legs, crush 3 skulls and seriously bruise 5 testicles, Score!
Just as Wells was making his way across the main front lawn to the final set of prison gates and the final guard post he spotted Nube in a balaclava and a haribo machine gun. Nube was over the moon to see Wells.
'I was just about to rescue you, but I see you have done well by yourself Wells!'
And so the 2 departed from the Nigeria happily and rather abruptly back to the small fields of LabLand.
That Ladies and Gentlemen was how Wells avoided 12 hideous years in prison
Saturday, 9 April 2011
The Mother F***ing Po-lice
Once upon a time in Nigeria, there was a gingerbread man called Nube. He was on yet another escapade in his busy, frantic life with his favourite sheep/goat called Wells.
It was winter time.
It was cold
and Nube had run out of money.
Being a gingerbread man, Nube had a natural inclination to gamble and had managed to get himself into a right pickle during a poker game with some russian mafia marshmellows, known as the Pistachios. Nube had bluffed to try and win the hand, but didn't realise that due to recently polishing his icing coat outline, all the other players had been cheating him the whole game. However, Nube felt lucky and went all in (ayyyyy). Needless to say he lost. So Nube and Wells were stranded in the cold desolate underground bin they had been staying in, with no food or hope of getting home.
Finding this predicament hard to solve, Wells took it upon himself to bail Nube out of trouble as Nube had done for him on many occasion. But boy did this prove to be a bad idea! It is also well known that goats are goats and should not, under any circumstances, think.
Wells Big Plan Gone Wrong.
Wells believed that the only way out was to rib a bank, and, thinking he was a goat and therefore pretty generic looking, didn't need to wear a mask while robbing a bank. So off Wells trotted, into the first Barclay's he found. He spat on the door and then butted 10 civilians who were queuing inside.
The look of shear determination on Wells' face meant he only had to stand there and the cashiers handed over the money.
Whooooo thought Wells, we are in the money and Nube is safe and we can go home and we can eat meringue pie and spaghetti meat balls.
Nee nor Nee noe.
Wells was caught and sent to Nigerian goat prison for 12 years....all because he forgot to take off his favourite batman-like cape during the hold-ip and therefore was indisputably recognisable in the line up.
true story
It was winter time.
It was cold
and Nube had run out of money.
Being a gingerbread man, Nube had a natural inclination to gamble and had managed to get himself into a right pickle during a poker game with some russian mafia marshmellows, known as the Pistachios. Nube had bluffed to try and win the hand, but didn't realise that due to recently polishing his icing coat outline, all the other players had been cheating him the whole game. However, Nube felt lucky and went all in (ayyyyy). Needless to say he lost. So Nube and Wells were stranded in the cold desolate underground bin they had been staying in, with no food or hope of getting home.
Finding this predicament hard to solve, Wells took it upon himself to bail Nube out of trouble as Nube had done for him on many occasion. But boy did this prove to be a bad idea! It is also well known that goats are goats and should not, under any circumstances, think.
Wells Big Plan Gone Wrong.
Wells believed that the only way out was to rib a bank, and, thinking he was a goat and therefore pretty generic looking, didn't need to wear a mask while robbing a bank. So off Wells trotted, into the first Barclay's he found. He spat on the door and then butted 10 civilians who were queuing inside.
The look of shear determination on Wells' face meant he only had to stand there and the cashiers handed over the money.
Whooooo thought Wells, we are in the money and Nube is safe and we can go home and we can eat meringue pie and spaghetti meat balls.
Nee nor Nee noe.
Wells was caught and sent to Nigerian goat prison for 12 years....all because he forgot to take off his favourite batman-like cape during the hold-ip and therefore was indisputably recognisable in the line up.
true story
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