Sunday, 13 November 2011
Zeppelins Be Dangerous!
The rain poured as all 11 gods were pouring themselves a water at exactly the same time and missing their glasses. Snow lay on the ground, freezing the little hooves of the various ungulate mammals, while the wind tore through the hills and wildness surrounding Nube and Well's farm.
There was also a loud communal groaning sound that was constantly competing with the lashing winds. It seemed to be a mix of someone gnawing on flesh and the dry rasping sound of a dead and decaying voice box crying out for blood....to all intents, constructions and purposes (to quote Henry VIII), this is exactly what it was.....yes.......ZOmBieS
Nube had never fully understood why everyone in the whole universe did not take Zombie invasion procotion more seriously when the problem was so rife on the moon, which in relative terms was rather close. One only had to observe the differing parallax of the moon and say, the Sun to see that! Why, when even the smallest of efforts could prolong your life expectancy 4 fold during a zombie apocalypse did people insist on making a mockery of the situation to which now, lo and behold, had occurred?!
The surrounding village had not taken long to fall. Stone and mud can no more hold a ***t load of zombies than a disarmed, tiny grandpa with osteoarthritis. The screams were still ringing in Nube's ears...or was that his tinnitus?...'Come to think of it, I don't even have ears....strange', thought Nube. The Zombies had arrived in 5 Zeppelins, possibly from Bordeaux or Vienna, Nube was a tad vague on the details, only Wells seemed to know all the facts. Thinking about it Wells seemed to know an awful lot about them, mind you, one did tend to find out a great deal about people when you played squash with them....this being the only activity widely know that you can do with a zombie without it trying to kill you, ad Wells was apt to playing the odd game with anyone willing.
'So, how are we going to get rid of them then? I'm sick of staying on the farm. I have no friends that aren't zombies now. Even Barry, the blacksmith Hare, was taken and he was as prepared for this as us! Our defenses won't last forever, our stocks of odd children's shoes will deplete soon enough.'
Wells looked up from his 4 week old newspaper (luckily that particular weeks sudoku had been particularly challenging), 'Well Nube, it looks like we shall just have to go with plan A..... Open the defenses, lure the zombies into the house using you as bait...lead them into the basement and through the trap door and into the magical zombie holding pen that appeared there earlier today by looking the trapdoor with this mystical padlock and key that the old, wise turkey sold me this morning from the cave of 'How to kill a horde of zombies' down the creepy ghost riddled lane, this morning'
'Hmm......It all just sounds too easy'
'Yes, well that is probably because you weren't the one going down the creepy ghost riddled lane this morning or bargaining with a turkey for a mystical padlock to a trapdoor that you were sure would be in your basement and therefore didn't know which size to get....'
'Yes, that could be it. Well done Wells and thank you. I shall now step outside and use myself as a scrumptious gingerbread zombie bait to lure 50,000 ravenous zombie animals and farmers into my beloved house'
........and that ladies and gentlemen is what they did. Ridding the kingdom of the perils of zombies until 4 months later when yet another Zeppelin crash landed.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8h1ft0Gqps&feature=related
maybe now you will perpare your dwellings and heed with warning tale......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejga4kJUts&ob=av2e
Thursday, 4 August 2011
Nuked to F***
Nube was a pacifist, however he did enjoy physics, particularly the kind that always seemed to result in the creation of deadly weapons. It wasn't strictly all his fault as he was, after all, friends with Wells, and everyone knows that goats are all inclined towards pyromania. This changes a gingerbread man, and soon he can't decipher where his curiosity ends and Wells' destructive tendencies began.
Let me just set the scene:
It was a cool summer day with not a cloud in a sky. No one would expect the fateful events that were about to unfold.
The cutlery kids, Plop and Flop, were beating their pet tyrannosaurus rex, Glop, in their front garden, as per usual on a blissful Thursday morning. Jack and Jill were fetching yet another pale of water, with their ever lengthening arms, and humming their new number one hit on the Eppendorf Hate Music Channel
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3JFwd1bk4Q&ob=av2n ) and the irritating cannibal of the west was chomping on his morning bone....er.
On the other side of the pond, which had only appeared four days in the future, 'The Wise Fish' Phil and George were aiding Nube in answering a burning question he had been asking himself for the past few days; I wonder what would happen if fission and fusion and jelly fish were combined?
'Weeeeeeell,' bubbled George, 'the only advise I can give you in all my wisdom and glory, is that you combine them yourself and see'
So, the construction of a jellyfish bomb commenced in Nubes back garden and testing all set and ready the following day (Nube was a very efficient and fast worker, always dedicated to his projects, but very infrequently praised or recognised for his efforts).
Now, far off in her smelly lair U. Epp had got wind of the news about the building of this powerful weapon and immediately felt threatened, jealous and defensive. She must punish this asset to the land at once and quickly assert her authority before he could surpass her and own the kingdom! So, on testing day itself none-the-less, dragon Epp flew straight into the very spot in which Nube had picked out to target his first test. Luckily Nube saw Epp's approach and held off the first deadly trial...however, in his fever of intellectual project, he had failed to inform Wells of any of the goings on....
Wells, blissfully unaware of all that was going on around him, began to feel peckish and so begun the long journey to the nearest town shop to buy meringue pie and spaghetti meat balls...again.
But what was this strange wire wrapped around his hooves? and why was he suddenly lurching forward? Could it be that Wells, in a haze of ignorance, tripped over the trigger wire, had 'accidently' knocked the detonator (attached the end of the wire) onto the floor, which in turn pushed in the lever and propelled the nuke from it's launch pad high into the sky in a trajectory towards the bomb testing ground by the wood of hidden hippos? Wells had not heard/listened to the screams of Nube who was safe in his baked bean bomb shelter ....................
VOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, .......
A mushroom of jellyfish....
blood....
wings......
gurgling cries......
tentacles......
broken, dirty scales....
burning dragon clogs....
the final moments of Dragon Eppendorf.....or at least as a whole.....
It was rumoured years later that Wells may not have been as ignorant to the situation as was first apparent ...
Let me just set the scene:
It was a cool summer day with not a cloud in a sky. No one would expect the fateful events that were about to unfold.
The cutlery kids, Plop and Flop, were beating their pet tyrannosaurus rex, Glop, in their front garden, as per usual on a blissful Thursday morning. Jack and Jill were fetching yet another pale of water, with their ever lengthening arms, and humming their new number one hit on the Eppendorf Hate Music Channel
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3JFwd1bk4Q&ob=av2n ) and the irritating cannibal of the west was chomping on his morning bone....er.
On the other side of the pond, which had only appeared four days in the future, 'The Wise Fish' Phil and George were aiding Nube in answering a burning question he had been asking himself for the past few days; I wonder what would happen if fission and fusion and jelly fish were combined?
'Weeeeeeell,' bubbled George, 'the only advise I can give you in all my wisdom and glory, is that you combine them yourself and see'
So, the construction of a jellyfish bomb commenced in Nubes back garden and testing all set and ready the following day (Nube was a very efficient and fast worker, always dedicated to his projects, but very infrequently praised or recognised for his efforts).
Now, far off in her smelly lair U. Epp had got wind of the news about the building of this powerful weapon and immediately felt threatened, jealous and defensive. She must punish this asset to the land at once and quickly assert her authority before he could surpass her and own the kingdom! So, on testing day itself none-the-less, dragon Epp flew straight into the very spot in which Nube had picked out to target his first test. Luckily Nube saw Epp's approach and held off the first deadly trial...however, in his fever of intellectual project, he had failed to inform Wells of any of the goings on....
Wells, blissfully unaware of all that was going on around him, began to feel peckish and so begun the long journey to the nearest town shop to buy meringue pie and spaghetti meat balls...again.
But what was this strange wire wrapped around his hooves? and why was he suddenly lurching forward? Could it be that Wells, in a haze of ignorance, tripped over the trigger wire, had 'accidently' knocked the detonator (attached the end of the wire) onto the floor, which in turn pushed in the lever and propelled the nuke from it's launch pad high into the sky in a trajectory towards the bomb testing ground by the wood of hidden hippos? Wells had not heard/listened to the screams of Nube who was safe in his baked bean bomb shelter ....................
VOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, .......
A mushroom of jellyfish....
blood....
wings......
gurgling cries......
tentacles......
broken, dirty scales....
burning dragon clogs....
the final moments of Dragon Eppendorf.....or at least as a whole.....
It was rumoured years later that Wells may not have been as ignorant to the situation as was first apparent ...
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
Labyrinth of Mystic JellyBeans
The Labyrinth of Mystic Jelly Beans
Nube had been gardening and had scratched his arm. What he needed was a quick glaze to smooth over the cut. But where was his egg white glaze that he always keeps close?
'MWAHAHAHAHAA' U. Eppendorf cackled! She was extremely happy with herself and the cunning evil plan she had successfully hatched. Egg white glaze stealing is something the marshmallow mafia does best, and tipped off by the sly dragon as to where Nube kept his stash, it was an easy task. Then, the letter was sent:
Noob, wHerE is Yor glaZe? iS it in thE lAByRinth oF mystIC jeLLY beans?U. Eppendorf AnonYmous
Although he knew that the Labyrinth would be hard and perilous from the stories told by the families of those lost to the labyrinth. He also knew this was set up by the evil dragon as a way to kill him without looking like the bad guy. But Nube had to go, it was a matter of honour, no one messes with a gingerbread man's glaze!
Nube travelled the 600km to the entrance of the Labyrinth of Jelly Beans on his cotton tractor which he had borrowed from 'The Wise Fish' Phil and George.
The entrance smelled sweet, as you would expect, but with a hint of feet, the smell of danger. As Nube proceeded into the maze of mystically multicoloured sugar lumps the door behind him locked, the world spun and a voice boomed 'Open the tin can in front of you or wither and die in this room forever, hahaHAHAHA!'
Hmmm, a troublesome task for a gingerbread man with no fingers. 'Ha!' Nube thought, 'It would have defeated say a goat but not a gingerbread man. Of course my baking spatula that I always keep handy in case I ever lose a limb, similar to a boy scout carrying a 10p piece.' Nube managed to stab the tin and lever the lid open. He soon as he did so stars leaped from the can and Nube felt something pull him feet first through the floor into a deep pool of swirling syrup.
'What smells wiffy and eats it's own kind while living a life in liquid? Answer me this and you will be one step closer to your beloved farm!' Nube thought long and hard, drooling with concentration, even consulting his dictionary of 'how to think long and hard about riddles'.
'A fish! Its a fish!'
Suddenly the syrup drained in a whirlpool and shot Nube into a thin corridor. As he walked through towards a door at the far end the ceiling became the floor and the inside became the outside.
Now Nube was, as common sense would suggest, illiterate. This helped a great deal when it came to choosing which bottle to drink from in the test before him. 2 poisons and 1 safe drink:
one clear and sparkly,
one was purple and bubbly
one was in an opaque container with the words 'THIS IS POISON' on it
Loving the funny squiggles on the opaque bottle and with no verbal instructions Nube glugged away, and behold! It wasn't the poison after all but another Labyrinth deceit! Task completed, YAY! Not only this but his glaze appeared on the table in front...
'HAHHAHAHA, you think it's all over now don't you....but let us see if you can get out as easily as you got in!!!'
34 hours later...
by this point the tasks were getting harder and more dangerous...alas, during hand to hand combat with an overgrown walnut with 12 arms, Nube suddenly noticed a bright green sign flashing 'EMERGENCE EXIT, PUSH TO OPEN' Nube knew this one, Wells had informed him what this sign said during their quick escape from last weeks bank heist. He made a dash and busted through the iron doors, exploding into his own garden with the most inelegant role. Home. Safe. Repaired scratch. Job done.
Nube had been gardening and had scratched his arm. What he needed was a quick glaze to smooth over the cut. But where was his egg white glaze that he always keeps close?
'MWAHAHAHAHAA' U. Eppendorf cackled! She was extremely happy with herself and the cunning evil plan she had successfully hatched. Egg white glaze stealing is something the marshmallow mafia does best, and tipped off by the sly dragon as to where Nube kept his stash, it was an easy task. Then, the letter was sent:
Noob, wHerE is Yor glaZe? iS it in thE lAByRinth oF mystIC jeLLY beans?
Although he knew that the Labyrinth would be hard and perilous from the stories told by the families of those lost to the labyrinth. He also knew this was set up by the evil dragon as a way to kill him without looking like the bad guy. But Nube had to go, it was a matter of honour, no one messes with a gingerbread man's glaze!
Nube travelled the 600km to the entrance of the Labyrinth of Jelly Beans on his cotton tractor which he had borrowed from 'The Wise Fish' Phil and George.
The entrance smelled sweet, as you would expect, but with a hint of feet, the smell of danger. As Nube proceeded into the maze of mystically multicoloured sugar lumps the door behind him locked, the world spun and a voice boomed 'Open the tin can in front of you or wither and die in this room forever, hahaHAHAHA!'
Hmmm, a troublesome task for a gingerbread man with no fingers. 'Ha!' Nube thought, 'It would have defeated say a goat but not a gingerbread man. Of course my baking spatula that I always keep handy in case I ever lose a limb, similar to a boy scout carrying a 10p piece.' Nube managed to stab the tin and lever the lid open. He soon as he did so stars leaped from the can and Nube felt something pull him feet first through the floor into a deep pool of swirling syrup.
'What smells wiffy and eats it's own kind while living a life in liquid? Answer me this and you will be one step closer to your beloved farm!' Nube thought long and hard, drooling with concentration, even consulting his dictionary of 'how to think long and hard about riddles'.
'A fish! Its a fish!'
Suddenly the syrup drained in a whirlpool and shot Nube into a thin corridor. As he walked through towards a door at the far end the ceiling became the floor and the inside became the outside.
Now Nube was, as common sense would suggest, illiterate. This helped a great deal when it came to choosing which bottle to drink from in the test before him. 2 poisons and 1 safe drink:
one clear and sparkly,
one was purple and bubbly
one was in an opaque container with the words 'THIS IS POISON' on it
Loving the funny squiggles on the opaque bottle and with no verbal instructions Nube glugged away, and behold! It wasn't the poison after all but another Labyrinth deceit! Task completed, YAY! Not only this but his glaze appeared on the table in front...
'HAHHAHAHA, you think it's all over now don't you....but let us see if you can get out as easily as you got in!!!'
34 hours later...
by this point the tasks were getting harder and more dangerous...alas, during hand to hand combat with an overgrown walnut with 12 arms, Nube suddenly noticed a bright green sign flashing 'EMERGENCE EXIT, PUSH TO OPEN' Nube knew this one, Wells had informed him what this sign said during their quick escape from last weeks bank heist. He made a dash and busted through the iron doors, exploding into his own garden with the most inelegant role. Home. Safe. Repaired scratch. Job done.
Sunday, 12 June 2011
She Taught Us With A Poem
If Nube and Wells could,
then I'm sure they would,
keep fishies by the sea.
Called George and Phil
content to the gill,
as they swin to a merry tune.
Of plastic bags,
and little old hags,
floating in the wind.
But U* Eppendorf,
has a thing against dwarfs,
so won't allow the dangerous move.
To the coast,
where they boast,
has the highest small population.
So alas, my friends,
unless time does bend,
Nube and Wells shall have to stay put.
then I'm sure they would,
keep fishies by the sea.
Called George and Phil
content to the gill,
as they swin to a merry tune.
Of plastic bags,
and little old hags,
floating in the wind.
But U* Eppendorf,
has a thing against dwarfs,
so won't allow the dangerous move.
To the coast,
where they boast,
has the highest small population.
So alas, my friends,
unless time does bend,
Nube and Wells shall have to stay put.
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Space, Stars and Rice
'Do you really think it will work Wells'
'Rrrraaaeeegh'
'Well if your sure it won't burn my bottom, I would hate my delicate balance of ginger to bread ratio to be altered my over baking'
KABOOM (to the sound track http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-bGzJTRZfU)
went the rocket.
A huge ball of flames erupted from the underside of the large cylinder made of welded baked bean cans and chinese take away containers. The blast blew Wells straight across the garden and through the little ginger bread houses back door, singeing the end of his quite impressive goat beard (not unlike Sandy's). The rocket, shaped like a goat, was Wells' newest invention. He was going through a phase. It hurtled into the sky and catapulted Nube, who had agreed, for unknown reasons, to be a guinea pig and be tided, tightly, to the contraption.
To compensate for the unusually blustery day however, Wells had increased the volume of gun powder used in the initial take off.... Nube was shot straight into space, and everyone knows, in space no one can hear you scream. . . which was particularly lucky because Nube screamed like a baby reaching a pitch that could shatter stars. . . and so it did.
A nearby nebula was rearranged as one of its many stars exploded sending its inhabitants flying in all directions!
'Oi!! Watch where your catapulting!' Nube yelled in a outraged manner. All of space and he has to be hit by a flying jar of rice. BAM, and another one!
'Rice rice rice rice rice rice'
'I'm sorry I don't understand you'
'Rice rice rice...rice'
'Nope not a word, well I got rice but that was it. You know what forget talking, I'm going to have you as pets. I shall talk to you in a derogatory way all the time, and I shall only telling you loving thoughts and phrases, and see which one of you ends up tasting the nicest, how about that?'
'RICE!!!....RICE!!'
'Good that's settled then. Pull me in Wells, I have alien rice friends to introduce you to' Nube cried out to Wells, some 6 million km below him.
Wells had managed to send another rocket up to Nube attached to a long rope...a very long rope, in order to haul Nube back safety to Earth.
Oh what an adventure! I wonder what rice did taste better in the end?....
'Rrrraaaeeegh'
'Well if your sure it won't burn my bottom, I would hate my delicate balance of ginger to bread ratio to be altered my over baking'
KABOOM (to the sound track http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-bGzJTRZfU)
went the rocket.
A huge ball of flames erupted from the underside of the large cylinder made of welded baked bean cans and chinese take away containers. The blast blew Wells straight across the garden and through the little ginger bread houses back door, singeing the end of his quite impressive goat beard (not unlike Sandy's). The rocket, shaped like a goat, was Wells' newest invention. He was going through a phase. It hurtled into the sky and catapulted Nube, who had agreed, for unknown reasons, to be a guinea pig and be tided, tightly, to the contraption.
To compensate for the unusually blustery day however, Wells had increased the volume of gun powder used in the initial take off.... Nube was shot straight into space, and everyone knows, in space no one can hear you scream. . . which was particularly lucky because Nube screamed like a baby reaching a pitch that could shatter stars. . . and so it did.
A nearby nebula was rearranged as one of its many stars exploded sending its inhabitants flying in all directions!
'Oi!! Watch where your catapulting!' Nube yelled in a outraged manner. All of space and he has to be hit by a flying jar of rice. BAM, and another one!
'Rice rice rice rice rice rice'
'I'm sorry I don't understand you'
'Rice rice rice...rice'
'Nope not a word, well I got rice but that was it. You know what forget talking, I'm going to have you as pets. I shall talk to you in a derogatory way all the time, and I shall only telling you loving thoughts and phrases, and see which one of you ends up tasting the nicest, how about that?'
'RICE!!!....RICE!!'
'Good that's settled then. Pull me in Wells, I have alien rice friends to introduce you to' Nube cried out to Wells, some 6 million km below him.
Wells had managed to send another rocket up to Nube attached to a long rope...a very long rope, in order to haul Nube back safety to Earth.
Oh what an adventure! I wonder what rice did taste better in the end?....
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
The Graze Escape
...3 years previously...
A 2 foot Domino's pizza delivery hamster was wandering the streets of Nigeria thinking how joyous and ironic life could be, when he was brutally kicked to the ground by none other than some of the russian mafia marshmellows. At that precise moment a bullet shot from a random hitmans gun skimmed Domino's (the domino pizza delivery hamster) head. Had it not been for the brutal hit, that bullet would have plummeted deep into the hamster face. It was an ironic moment indeed seeing as the marshmellow had kicked Domino with the intention of mugging him. However, the marshmellow didn't like the idea of getting mixed up in a professional murder no matter how 'gangsta' he liked to think he was.
'I'm outta here' he splodged and ran off, thinking to himself that it might be high time to get on the straight and narrow.
Meanwhile a shaken Domino stumbled to the nearest shelter.
BANG
there was another gun shot and the hitman was slain by none other than Nigeria's transient superhero and cat rescuer 'Super Goat'!!!!
'There young hamster, I have slain your foe, you are free of all trouble and may go about your daily business without fear! Super Goat is here!'
'Oh, super goat, how can I ever repay you??!!'
'Well now, there is actually one thing you could do...'
'anything, anything...'
.........
fast forward 3 years....
Wells was alone in his bare grey cells, bouncing a ball against the wall, contemplating on past events and his glory days as the transient Nigerian superhero and cat rescuer Super Goat. Oh those were the days. Although nothing beat those adventurous days with Nube. Well hold on just a second!!! What was that favour I got that hamster to do? Ah yes thats it, the jail keys!!!
Everyone knows that if you are a superhero, at some point you will be hunted, hated and imprisoned for unknown reasons, usually at times when the media has nothing better to do than try and create enemies out of the good guys. everyone also knows that hamsters are wizards when it comes to back alley surgeries!
Wells, looked at the funny pocket of skin on his back left foot pad. I'd almost forgotten how I had developed that lump, Wells thought. He leaned round and pulled out a full set of jail keys with his teeth, ahhh his old contingency plan, time to escape! And so he did, and only needing to break 6 legs, crush 3 skulls and seriously bruise 5 testicles, Score!
Just as Wells was making his way across the main front lawn to the final set of prison gates and the final guard post he spotted Nube in a balaclava and a haribo machine gun. Nube was over the moon to see Wells.
'I was just about to rescue you, but I see you have done well by yourself Wells!'
And so the 2 departed from the Nigeria happily and rather abruptly back to the small fields of LabLand.
That Ladies and Gentlemen was how Wells avoided 12 hideous years in prison
A 2 foot Domino's pizza delivery hamster was wandering the streets of Nigeria thinking how joyous and ironic life could be, when he was brutally kicked to the ground by none other than some of the russian mafia marshmellows. At that precise moment a bullet shot from a random hitmans gun skimmed Domino's (the domino pizza delivery hamster) head. Had it not been for the brutal hit, that bullet would have plummeted deep into the hamster face. It was an ironic moment indeed seeing as the marshmellow had kicked Domino with the intention of mugging him. However, the marshmellow didn't like the idea of getting mixed up in a professional murder no matter how 'gangsta' he liked to think he was.
'I'm outta here' he splodged and ran off, thinking to himself that it might be high time to get on the straight and narrow.
Meanwhile a shaken Domino stumbled to the nearest shelter.
BANG
there was another gun shot and the hitman was slain by none other than Nigeria's transient superhero and cat rescuer 'Super Goat'!!!!
'There young hamster, I have slain your foe, you are free of all trouble and may go about your daily business without fear! Super Goat is here!'
'Oh, super goat, how can I ever repay you??!!'
'Well now, there is actually one thing you could do...'
'anything, anything...'
.........
fast forward 3 years....
Wells was alone in his bare grey cells, bouncing a ball against the wall, contemplating on past events and his glory days as the transient Nigerian superhero and cat rescuer Super Goat. Oh those were the days. Although nothing beat those adventurous days with Nube. Well hold on just a second!!! What was that favour I got that hamster to do? Ah yes thats it, the jail keys!!!
Everyone knows that if you are a superhero, at some point you will be hunted, hated and imprisoned for unknown reasons, usually at times when the media has nothing better to do than try and create enemies out of the good guys. everyone also knows that hamsters are wizards when it comes to back alley surgeries!
Wells, looked at the funny pocket of skin on his back left foot pad. I'd almost forgotten how I had developed that lump, Wells thought. He leaned round and pulled out a full set of jail keys with his teeth, ahhh his old contingency plan, time to escape! And so he did, and only needing to break 6 legs, crush 3 skulls and seriously bruise 5 testicles, Score!
Just as Wells was making his way across the main front lawn to the final set of prison gates and the final guard post he spotted Nube in a balaclava and a haribo machine gun. Nube was over the moon to see Wells.
'I was just about to rescue you, but I see you have done well by yourself Wells!'
And so the 2 departed from the Nigeria happily and rather abruptly back to the small fields of LabLand.
That Ladies and Gentlemen was how Wells avoided 12 hideous years in prison
Saturday, 9 April 2011
The Mother F***ing Po-lice
Once upon a time in Nigeria, there was a gingerbread man called Nube. He was on yet another escapade in his busy, frantic life with his favourite sheep/goat called Wells.
It was winter time.
It was cold
and Nube had run out of money.
Being a gingerbread man, Nube had a natural inclination to gamble and had managed to get himself into a right pickle during a poker game with some russian mafia marshmellows, known as the Pistachios. Nube had bluffed to try and win the hand, but didn't realise that due to recently polishing his icing coat outline, all the other players had been cheating him the whole game. However, Nube felt lucky and went all in (ayyyyy). Needless to say he lost. So Nube and Wells were stranded in the cold desolate underground bin they had been staying in, with no food or hope of getting home.
Finding this predicament hard to solve, Wells took it upon himself to bail Nube out of trouble as Nube had done for him on many occasion. But boy did this prove to be a bad idea! It is also well known that goats are goats and should not, under any circumstances, think.
Wells Big Plan Gone Wrong.
Wells believed that the only way out was to rib a bank, and, thinking he was a goat and therefore pretty generic looking, didn't need to wear a mask while robbing a bank. So off Wells trotted, into the first Barclay's he found. He spat on the door and then butted 10 civilians who were queuing inside.
The look of shear determination on Wells' face meant he only had to stand there and the cashiers handed over the money.
Whooooo thought Wells, we are in the money and Nube is safe and we can go home and we can eat meringue pie and spaghetti meat balls.
Nee nor Nee noe.
Wells was caught and sent to Nigerian goat prison for 12 years....all because he forgot to take off his favourite batman-like cape during the hold-ip and therefore was indisputably recognisable in the line up.
true story
It was winter time.
It was cold
and Nube had run out of money.
Being a gingerbread man, Nube had a natural inclination to gamble and had managed to get himself into a right pickle during a poker game with some russian mafia marshmellows, known as the Pistachios. Nube had bluffed to try and win the hand, but didn't realise that due to recently polishing his icing coat outline, all the other players had been cheating him the whole game. However, Nube felt lucky and went all in (ayyyyy). Needless to say he lost. So Nube and Wells were stranded in the cold desolate underground bin they had been staying in, with no food or hope of getting home.
Finding this predicament hard to solve, Wells took it upon himself to bail Nube out of trouble as Nube had done for him on many occasion. But boy did this prove to be a bad idea! It is also well known that goats are goats and should not, under any circumstances, think.
Wells Big Plan Gone Wrong.
Wells believed that the only way out was to rib a bank, and, thinking he was a goat and therefore pretty generic looking, didn't need to wear a mask while robbing a bank. So off Wells trotted, into the first Barclay's he found. He spat on the door and then butted 10 civilians who were queuing inside.
The look of shear determination on Wells' face meant he only had to stand there and the cashiers handed over the money.
Whooooo thought Wells, we are in the money and Nube is safe and we can go home and we can eat meringue pie and spaghetti meat balls.
Nee nor Nee noe.
Wells was caught and sent to Nigerian goat prison for 12 years....all because he forgot to take off his favourite batman-like cape during the hold-ip and therefore was indisputably recognisable in the line up.
true story
Monday, 28 March 2011
Nube and the Whirlwind
e=mc2
So in November of the year before last, Nube joined his friend Jerry, the giant face, in his holiday shack in Kenya.
But, there a giant and ferocious whirlwind struck the city of Loogaa, where they were staying. It was a small wooden modest hut, nicely decorated, but was completely obliterated by the disaster, leaving the pair stranded and homeless, with matching looks of desperation on there faces (Jerry's being considerably more expressive).
However, never to be down for long Nube had an idea. He reached into his icing pocket, pulled out his mobile and hit the speed dial.
'Wells speaking, who dares ring and disturb my grazing?'
'Nube.'
'Nube?'
'Yes, Nube.'
'I thought you were in Loogaa visiting the giant face that is Jerry?' Wells asked inquisitively.
'I am, but there was a whirlwind and now the shack of many colours has been obliterated like a shit out of U. Eppendoffs butt.' Nube explained. He went on to plead for Well's help in laying out the one camp bed they had back home, so that Jerry could come and stay in .....
So in November of the year before last, Nube joined his friend Jerry, the giant face, in his holiday shack in Kenya.
But, there a giant and ferocious whirlwind struck the city of Loogaa, where they were staying. It was a small wooden modest hut, nicely decorated, but was completely obliterated by the disaster, leaving the pair stranded and homeless, with matching looks of desperation on there faces (Jerry's being considerably more expressive).
However, never to be down for long Nube had an idea. He reached into his icing pocket, pulled out his mobile and hit the speed dial.
'Wells speaking, who dares ring and disturb my grazing?'
'Nube.'
'Nube?'
'Yes, Nube.'
'I thought you were in Loogaa visiting the giant face that is Jerry?' Wells asked inquisitively.
'I am, but there was a whirlwind and now the shack of many colours has been obliterated like a shit out of U. Eppendoffs butt.' Nube explained. He went on to plead for Well's help in laying out the one camp bed they had back home, so that Jerry could come and stay in .....
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)